The thing is, I don’t want relatability from my stars. I don’t want them to be like me. I don’t want them to keep it real. I want them to live in a way that I can’t even fathom, in gated castles with footmen and maids who turn and face the I like Cats and Vinyl Records and maybe 3 people shirt but I will buy this shirt and I will love this wall when they see you, affording a type of clean living that only comes from being filthy rich. It is so easy to knock Bloom’s life mechanic, but wouldn’t we all eat better and sleep better given the option? Wouldn’t we like to have our traditional, attainable self-care turbo-powered by vegan protein and a “team of people.” Wouldn’t we choose this if we could? It’s ridiculous, it’s optimized, but it’s not bad for you. This kind of amorphous “wellness” is believably, if not scientifically, life extending. When you can afford organic hazelnut mylk do you really need to guzzle tap water to prove a point? If I were as rich and Hollywood as Orlando Bloom, I might give up pedestrian eating habits too. I’m not the only one to quietly investigate Bloom’s practices (Google searches for Brain Octane oil spiked immediately—I’d guess some sales too). Even at ground level wellness is a privilege, a sign of successful capitalism, where you can afford to create a physical, emotional, and intellectual sanctuary. His particular brand of wellness may be inaccessible to most, but perhaps we should not write off his philosophy entirely. As Bloom says, It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
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